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clouded

Like thousands of hearts everywhere, mine is aching. I feel I can't quite put into words how the events that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary have shaken this mother's heart to its core. As I watched this event uproar a nation and have witnessed how shocked so many are by the depravity of man I couldn't help but be even more saddened by the fact that this horrible disturbance is another wicked account of a very fallen world. 
Though we went through the motions of a normal family weekend our thoughts and hearts were clouded. There was a heavy cloud hanging over us and still is. A cloud so dark that I will admit it was hard for me to rejoice in each day God gave us. I'm not making this about me or taking on these events as my own, but I am affected...deeply. 
Micah and I were not ourselves and though our babies had no idea what just happened in our world we looked at them a little different and prayed for their hearts and this world so much more. 
I feel posting our weekends events today isn't fitting due to the nature of how my heart feels. I looked through photos of this weekend and saw our smiling faces, having fun and living life and yet it doesn't really reflect what we were feeling or how we were acting. 
I will be back later with a post because I understand that life does and will go on. I understand that we can't just stop what we're doing because we feel paralyzed from all the hatred in this world. I understand even more now as a mother, wife, friend, sister and daughter how much more responsibility we have to be lights of this world. To be examples of God's tender love and mercy even more than before. 
For something so wretched to happen to innocent lives makes me want to live further apart from this world and all it's ugliness. It makes me want to stand stronger and taller in my faith and has me clinging to God's truths more than ever.
Were you like me in having a hard time of finding what to pray for? How God can meet these families where they are at? How God can help this fallen world and put back the pieces of broken hearts everywhere? I was just a loss for words this weekend and then I read this post this morning and this rang true to my heart when Amanda wrote these words and I just had to share. 
Will you join me in praying for the families of the victims? For the survivors? For the tiny community that took a mighty blow to the heart? I wish I knew how to pray for them, but I don't. So I cling to Romans 8:26-27 "The Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings. And He who searches the hearts knows the Spirit’s mind-set, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."
Though our day to day will slowly reclaim it's normalcy I want to approach it differently. I want to go back stronger in my faith and be more aware that we live in very dark times and are dealing with very yucky things. I want to cling to the truth that life is so hard but God is so Good. I want to be more intentional about what I say and how I do it. I pray that this week and every week forward we would share God's grace with everyone around us and know that He is in control. Even when it seems like things are spinning out of control, God has got this whole world in his hands. 

3 comments:

Amanda said...

Sweet friend. Dealing with the same thoughts and feelings as you are. Let us come together as one and pray for this world that we live in and for one another.

Love and hugs~
Amanda

Loretta said...

The day before I had just helped out with the 4 and 5 year olds at my bible study. Less than 24 hours later that horrific event happened. It was so fresh in my mind just what a young child was like at those ages. All I can think of over these days is all those little faces and sweet children that were delighted in everything from the buckle on my boots to the dinosaur game we played and the lesson about Abraham and Lot. I had written their names down when I came home so that I could pray for them. I cannot even begin to imagine...Heartbreaking. My tears flow freely and I let them.

Amber Newberry said...

Sweet friend I so appreciated this tender post. I couldn't agree more with your desire to stand further apart from this world. To cling to the light. I am agreeing with you in prayer for these families and this world. xoxox