Like thousands of hearts everywhere, mine is aching. I feel I can't quite put into words how the events that took place at Sandy Hook Elementary have shaken this mother's heart to its core. As I watched this event uproar a nation and have witnessed how shocked so many are by the depravity of man I couldn't help but be even more saddened by the fact that this horrible disturbance is another wicked account of a very fallen world.
Though we went through the motions of a normal family weekend our thoughts and hearts were clouded. There was a heavy cloud hanging over us and still is. A cloud so dark that I will admit it was hard for me to rejoice in each day God gave us. I'm not making this about me or taking on these events as my own, but I am affected...deeply.
Micah and I were not ourselves and though our babies had no idea what just happened in our world we looked at them a little different and prayed for their hearts and this world so much more.
I feel posting our weekends events today isn't fitting due to the nature of how my heart feels. I looked through photos of this weekend and saw our smiling faces, having fun and living life and yet it doesn't really reflect what we were feeling or how we were acting.
I will be back later with a post because I understand that life does and will go on. I understand that we can't just stop what we're doing because we feel paralyzed from all the hatred in this world. I understand even more now as a mother, wife, friend, sister and daughter how much more responsibility we have to be lights of this world. To be examples of God's tender love and mercy even more than before.
For something so wretched to happen to innocent lives makes me want to live further apart from this world and all it's ugliness. It makes me want to stand stronger and taller in my faith and has me clinging to God's truths more than ever.
Were you like me in having a hard time of finding what to pray for? How God can meet these families where they are at? How God can help this fallen world and put back the pieces of broken hearts everywhere? I was just a loss for words this weekend and then I read this post this morning and this rang true to my heart when Amanda wrote these words and I just had to share.
Will you join me in praying for the families of the victims? For the survivors? For the tiny community that took a mighty blow to the heart? I wish I knew how to pray for them, but I don't. So I cling to Romans 8:26-27 "The Spirit also joins to help in our weakness, because we do not know what to pray for as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with unspoken groanings. And He who searches the hearts knows the Spirit’s mind-set, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God."
Though our day to day will slowly reclaim it's normalcy I want to approach it differently. I want to go back stronger in my faith and be more aware that we live in very dark times and are dealing with very yucky things. I want to cling to the truth that life is so hard but God is so Good. I want to be more intentional about what I say and how I do it. I pray that this week and every week forward we would share God's grace with everyone around us and know that He is in control. Even when it seems like things are spinning out of control, God has got this whole world in his hands.