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what you didn't see

I realized something today. Well, no that isn't true because I have thought of it often when it comes to this blog. I think about my little space on the web and the snippets I share about our life and the big portion of the everyday that I leave out. 
But today I received a sweet email from a reader and there was this particular line that read "I'm so blessed by you and your love for your babes and for sharing so much of yourself and including us all in your life's journey..."
I laughed. Not in a "I fooled you" sort of way to the gal who wrote me but in an "Okay Lord, I'm listening, you got me" kind of way. 

You see these last few weeks the Lord has been revealing lots of fun qualities I don't like about myself. You know, impatience, quick tongue and lack of self-discipline.
I knew I was under quite a bit of stress this past month as I prepared for my first boutique and so I did a lot more stitching and a lot less of everything else.
Less time cooking actual meals. (take-out was starting to become the youzhe)
Less time sitting and playing with the babes. (we were all in the same room, but I wasn't really there)
Less time catching up with Micah after each day (he'd watch a show, I'd stitch)
Less play dates and girl dates (I was too busy remember)
But worst of all- Less time with God. Less time in His word, less time in prayer.

And yet He didn't lay the smack down on me. I mean he totes could've. God should have been like "oh you want to re-prioritze your life so it better suits you and don't want to ask me what I think you should do, well fine you're not going to make one sale and you're going to regret making me and everything else come second in your life"
But no.
He is merciful. Kind. Loving and beyond gracious even when we don't deserve it.

He blessed me so much at that boutique and has continued to do so everyday since. What He did was lovingly guide me back to His word where I was able to see what He says I should be doing and how I should be living my day to day. It was in Titus 2:3-5. Go get your reading on after this post. 
but he also gave me this...Ephesians 4:29 "do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen."
You see, I have been crazy convicted by this scripture lately. 

At first I didn't know why. I'm not a gossiper (or try very hard not to talk ill of others) and have always saw this scripture as instruction towards others around us. You know, our friends, acquaintances, friends of friends, strangers we meet. But never did I put it into terms applicable to my children.

*gulp*

yeah, Lord you got me. Lately with all this hustle and bustle and not having my heart in full check before I start each day I have caught myself saying things like 
- WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!! (is what I barked at Vernon as I removed three rolls of toilet paper he shoved into the toilet)
- Don't you talk to your baby brother that way (as I'm reprimanding her in the exact same tone she just used)
- UUUGGGHHHHH! (yeah I was grunting in frustration over lots of things)

My list can go on and on and get worse and worse. 
How is my tone reflecting Christ to my sweet babes? I can't read them their devotions at breakfast and sing praise songs all day and then in between it all when the chaos starts just flip out on them. How does that build them up? How are they benefiting from the angry words streaming out of my lips.

Now please understand I am not screaming at them or being angry with them all day or stomping around wishing I wasn't a mama.It's not like that at all, but there are some ugly moments I wish I would've handled differently. I love these sweet beings with my whole everything. I have never wanted to be anything but a mama since I was a little girl (except those two years I swore I would be a veterinarian) but seriously, they are my life. So is Micah. And I realized that through the eyes of the blog it reflects just that, that they are my everything. And it is true so very true, they are my world, but within my world there are some changes of the heart that need to take place. 
I need to really work at slowing down. Waiting to speak even in the heat of the moment. I need to re-prioritize things in my day to day and care more about what these sweet beings think of me and how they view me rather than worry about the others just getting a peek of me through their computer screens. 
I have kind of gone off in a few directions in this post and that is because there is so much I am trying to work out in my own head. I am real. My blog reflects who I am. I blog about the good, bad and ugly but not always the worst. Because honestly this is a place I want to look back on in years to come and see all the memories and magical moments I shared with my favorites, but I also want to see it as a place where I once was and pray that I have grown so much and have learned so many new things that God has in store.

So what you didn't see this week in the midst of beach outings and shop updates was a heavy heart. One being softened and transformed. So today I just thought I'd share that with all of you. 

Happy Friday!

I'm linking up with Alissa over at Rags to Stitches for a Coffee Date today! 




19 comments:

Amy, a redeemed sheep said...

Isn't God a loving Father, to show these things to our hearts and keeps loving us and transforming us more and more into the likeness of His Son, Jesus?

Great post....

Thank you for sharing your heart and for your honesty...

Glory to God! His mercies are new every morning....

Chelsea said...

Love the honesty of this post.... and your entire blog. Glad I stumbled across it!

Morgan Williams said...

i can't even put into words how much this post touched my heart! {insert deep breath here} i've had a similar heavy heart <3 thanks for being so honest - it truly opened my eyes to things i need to transform in my daily routine :)

Hannah said...

Beautiful! You are a great momma and a wonderful woman of God. It's hard to admit to things that aren't shiny about us. I'm proud of you for doing this post! It was very inspiring.

Hannah said...

Beautiful! You are a great momma and wonderful woman of God. It's hard to admit when things are shiny and nice. I'm proud of you for writing this post! You are an inspiration,

Aubrey said...

I loved this.

jen {rellas bellas} said...

love this post. That ephesians verse has been in my heart a lot lately too. God always seems to show us what we need when we need it. Whether that we a bible verse or an email from a reader :)

Alissa Circle said...

awww friend I think it's been a season of stress for sure. But you are an amazing mama, I've seen it first hand and those babies love you. I think sometimes it's hard to find balance when we add "new" responsibilities to our plate. I know there are days when I feel guilty that I want to just be spontaneous and fun and pack up and go to the beach, but I know I can't b.c I have work to do. Praying for your sweet heart and that God will lift that heaviness. Love you!!

TessBenson said...

MAN! That was like a smack in the face! like in a good way! Like a loving God kinda, WAKE UP Tess, kinda way. We have a pretty cool God, I know I have been slacking in the relationship department with Him. I thank Him and you for this post. Now to pull out me Bible and read up on your verses!

vintage grey said...

Thank you for sharing your heart today Nat! I can relate with the re-prioritize in my day to day, especially needing to slow down!! Your sweet kids and husband are so blessed to have you! Will be praying for the Lord's hand on your precious heart, and that he may strengthen and transform you to only become more like Him each day!! God is so good! Have a beautiful weekend! Hugs to you! xo Heather

Kate said...

thanks for keepin it real girl! blessed and encouraged...once again!

Angela said...

Hi! This is my first visit to your blog after seeing your cute work on Jenny's blog... This particular post
both impressed me (refreshing that you are being transparent, truthful, and willing to admit what the Lord is working on you about). God is working on me as well - mostly about listening and spending time in the Word. God bless, thanks for sharing and don't be too hard on yourself. Tomorrow is a new day to start fresh :)

Kim said...

you're amazing. thankful for abundant grace & forgiveness...the beauty of the Gospel.

No(dot dot)el said...

Natalie- this is just beautiful. I love this post, and I love how honest you are about life in general. I have always thought of that scripture the same way, but I love what you got from this in regards to how we talk to our kiddos. It was a good reminder for me as well. You are awesome girl xoxo. Thank you for this.

Heidi Toevs said...

I am a new follower from Rags to Stiches. This post in particular really spoke to me! I am a mom of 2 and trying to figure out a nice balance between me and being a mom. Everything you said, completely resonated with me! You are truly a motivator for me, as blogger, crafter and mommy all at once!
Thank you for this
Heidi @Mustache Mama

JeNeal said...

Found you via Rags to Stitches. This post was amazing to read. DEF what I needed to hear so that I didn't feel alone!

Love your blog and your cute style!!

xoxo
JeNeal @ piecesofluv.com

Heather Long said...

I love how sweet God can be. Even when He's doing serious work, and I'm totally wrecked, He's so sweet! It amazes me every time.
I'm your newest follower! I would love it if you would pop over and check out my little ol' blog!
http://itsourlongstory.blogspot.com

messageinamasonjar.com said...

Hurry and busyness and deadlines are the big enemies of family life, I think. I so resonate with all you shared here as you worked hard to get ready for your sale. I get like that under pressure and then feel defeated and that doesn't make things any better. Good thing for us...His kindness leads us to repentance!!! In gentle words, we let down our defense and can be honest about our true condition.
-Darcy

nthecity said...

Jesus so often has to just stop me in my tracks with truth. 'Cause otherwise I don't hear His voice.
Slowing down is so important. It's easier for God to teach me things when I'm walking with/towards Him rather than away.