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but God is Good

Today I struggled a lot. With feeling sorry for myself. And not measuring up. You know one of those grand days that we all love.
I couldn't even pin what was keeping me down. I mean I prayed, started to do my devotion but was in a funk. An exhausted funk. I could barely keep my eyes open and yet was needing to hold Vernon because he was still not feeling 100% today. 
He had diarrhea, ALL DAY LONG! I washed two sets of sheets by 10:00 am. 
I knew I had to get the babes to swimming lessons and then start prepping the house and food for a get-together I was hosting for my women's bible study, but could not seem to get anything done while holding my fussy lil man. By the time I got home from swim class at 12:30 I was exhausted and started the complaining and whining routine to Micah over the phone. 
I told him I was not at all stressed but just beyond exhausted and started to feel overwhelmed with so many different things.
Then he said it, what I knew I should have done yesterday but selfishly avoided.
"Cancel the get together tonight"
no, no, no I got this I told him. and plus I really need to see all those beautiful souls, it will be good for my spirit I told him
Ummm, you don't have anything but a sick baby and a body that is about to give out to exhaustion he told me. Postpone the event, because we all need to be 100% for the Sole Hope event is what he reminded me.
he was right.
So I cried as I wrote the email and sent out the text messages about having to cancel.
I walked away from the computer and didn't look back. I had finally got Vernon to sleep and thought I'd take a snooze next to Elsie on the couch as she watched Veggie Tales for the second time in a row but then my mind started racing. With thoughts of failure. And how I totally bailed on another event I wanted to do but couldn't because one of the littles was sick. Then I started to feel unworthy, of so many things and was kicking myself for not being more grateful for my son's health especially after our recent scare and then I started spiraling into the "woe is me" pity party state of mind. 
I made myself get up to take a shower but didn't have the energy, even though it had been days since I took one because of all the recent commotion. So I grabbed my embroidery stuff to embroider but again couldn't. I asked Elsie if she wanted to do puzzles but she said she wanted to color by herself and so I sat there. Loathing in my self pity. 
When it hit me! Go finish my devotion I had attempted to start in the morning. As I was reading through the last devotion of the Soul Detox plan I found myself reading the devotional content over and over.

If you're hurting all the time, you can't help hurting other people, but if you will do what it takes to Biblically manage toxic relationships, then you can be strong and share the love of God to people who need to know Him. Strive to manage the toxic relationships in your life, and more importantly, strive to make sure you aren't being the toxic one in your relationships.
What are some things you can to do to build healthier relationships in your life?
And I thought about this past year. Everything we've gone through and all the things God has helped me overcome. How God has brought so many beautiful people in my life and has weeded out  the bad. I thought how he has shown me to choose wisely and with friends and to love all I come in contact with. Making myself more grounded in His truths has helped me build healthier relationships and while I was mulling this all over the door bell rang.

And I ran to it in efforts to keep my basset hound from barking and waking up Vernon when the mail lady handed me a pile of packages. I sat there and opened them. All donations for the Sole Hope raffle. A perfect example of beautiful hearts and friendships the Lord has brought into my life. 
The last package was from one of my newest friends Heather @ Glitter and Gloss and her sweet note read 
"Nat- I just know that Sole Hope is going to be a HUGE success- I can't wait to see what God does with it! Love you and your beautiful heart!!"
she enclosed this set of mum earrings and this vintage inspired ring for me in addition to her donation pieces. 
I wept instantly. That was beyond generous and kind. It lifted my spirits and made me feel all warm and fuzzy. Plus it reminded me to shift my focus onto what "GOD WAS DOING" not what I wasn't doing.
I couldn't get over all these donations and sweet notes sent along with each item all of which were thanking me for letting them be part of this event. Ummm hello!! no, thank you guys and your giving hearts. Thank you guys for donating to this organization that I'm growing to love more and more each day. Thank you guys for blessing me more than you could ever know. 


And on that note I went and finished my devotion and knew God was revealing to me to stop focusing on the hard things that come but to recognize the good. To see all that He is doing. To see that He kept my baby boy safe the other day. That He has surrounded me with amazing people in my life. That He is bringing new beautiful and inspiring people into my life everyday. That He will take care of the Sole Hope event no matter what and that I'm just a vessel and a house that he is using. That life may get hard but he is Good. He was telling me to remember to strive harder at being the one who has healthy relationships and doing so doesn't involve sitting around moping about the little things that go wrong. But most importantly that He is the one I should be striving to please and that He is the one bringing blessing after blessing into my life.
I started reading through the emails I avoided through the day and re-reading ones I didn't quite take in. Such as this scripture given to me in the morning.
Romans 12:12 Rejoice in hope, be patient in tribulation, be constant in prayer.
Umm can we say perfect! I was shown again and again of all the good in my life. Friends and family with encouraging words and prayers being sent my way. I was so uplifted I actually got up and took a shower. And I felt better. And I apologized to God for being such a baby.
And now I'm apologizing to all of you for not responding to all of my emails right away. Or my text messages, or FB messages. It was just one of those days. Like I said before life can get hard, but God is always so good!




2 comments:

april@gingerbread said...

You are gorgeous, inside and out.....I loved this post, I have had soooo many days like this!!! xoxo

Kate Snow said...

I've been having a bunch of days like this, lots of "Dwell on Every Way That I am Gross and Horrible" kind of days. God showed me the same thing, that I've made a commitment to Him to start dwelling on the good, recognize His blessings, stop complaining, and focus on Him instead of myself. It's encouraging to know I'm not the only one who has those days, and seeing how God is working in our lives is so uplifting. Hooray!