I repeated the words "I need to push" but didn't need to. Micah had already ran down the hallway, out the front door, started the car and woke up my dad to let him know we were outta there.
I was trying to breathe but couldn't focus.
What the heck? I kept thinking, God this can't be right. It's a month early and I didn't even labor. Something is wrong. Something is really wrong. From that point on I was in a pure state of denial.
I was still hunched over the bed when Micah raced back into our room.
ME: "I can't move"
Micah: "Ok where are your pants"
if you've been following along these last few posts you would be aware of our recent move. and by recent I mean a mere 12 hours prior to this moment. Boxes everywhere, most clothes put away but have no idea where.
Me: (points frantically in the direction of the dresser) "The black pair there"
Micah: "Okay" (his breathing has turned into frantic panting as he is trying to get this pair of pants on me.
unbeknownst to either of us he is trying to get a pair of skin tight exercise leggings that I wore before pregnancy. Not even this pregnancy but Elsie's.
Micah: "Baby, lift your leg"
Me: "I can't move"
Micah: "Come on baby, lift your leg so I can get these on"
Me: in between breaths I manage to get out "If I lift, he will fall out"
Micah instinctively starts tapping my ankle with his fist like you do with a horse when you want it to lift its hoof to apply a horeshoe. I just stared down at him breathing angrily in disbelief. He understood through the look in my eyes that this technique obviously wasn't working and that he needed to hurry.
He slid my leg up and started rolling up this very tight pair of pants. He lifted the other leg and started pulling it up.
Micah: "Babe, are these the right pants"
Me: shaking my head NO
Micah: "It's okay baby hang in there" and starts rolling these ridiculously tight leggings off of me.
(when I say rolling I mean he literally had to push the material down in a rolling fashion like you would nylons to get them off. He then grabbed the ugliest navy blue pajama pants I have ever seen in my life and slid them on.
Me: "Those are hideous" (yes I said this)
Micah: "Nat! I'm not delivering the baby in our bathtub!"
That was all he needed to say.
Next thing I know I'm literally being carried to the car by my dad and placed in the front seat.
Now I realize I was basically incoherent during the drive but I also know that it should've taken us about 20-25 minutes in prime time morning traffic to get there. It took us TWELVE.
I know he didn't pause for one stop sign or signal.
Our conversation in the car while driving frantically to the hospital.
Micah: "What's the name of the physicians group"
Micah: "What is the name of your medical group so I can have our OB paged to meet us there"
Me: in between breaths "Why don't" breath "you" breath "Have these numbers" breath "In your flippin phone already" (ya I was a little nuts at this point, I could feel Vernon's head about to bust through and Micah is asking me for the number to my doctors office!!!)
Micah: "I was going to get all this stuff in order AFTER the move. I thought we had some time"
Me: deep breath "Orange something"
Micah: on the phone with 411 at this point "Orange View"
Me: "not view, orange, umm??" deep breath
Micah: speaking to operator "Oh there is no listing for Orange View?" directs voice to me "Nat try again"
Me: I'm literally wanting to kill him at this point "umm, orange?? Coast. IT'S COAST"
Micah: to operator "Orange Coast, yes, okay there is a listing? great could you put me through"
these next few moments were a blur but I know he was able to get in touch with our doctors office and even informed the hospital we were on our way and needed a wheel chair ready for us.
After screeching into the emergency entrance Micah got out of the car and rushed to grab the wheel chair. He lifted me out and threw me into the chair.
He raced us into the building.
A nurse with a clipboard and all of our pre-registration paperwork in order calmly spoke to me.
Nurse: "Mrs. Ensor, we're going to need you to get up on this table so we can measure you"
Me: I shake my head no and am breathing harder than I ever have in my life.
Nurse: "Miss, we need you up on this table"
Me: I shake my head No again
Nurse: now using a more direct tone "Mrs. Ensor we need to meas...."
Me: cut her off by screaming "I need to PUSH!"
Nurse: flipped her S and yelled "Alright lets get her on the table STAT"
next thing I know her and Micah are lifting me onto the table and before I'm even completely set down another nurse is checking my progress.
She looks at the lead nurse and informs her that I was at 8 cm and needed to be put into a delivery room immediately!
I freaked out and demanded an epidural. At least five times.
Nurse: she looked at Micah as if to say, you're baby is here and your wife needs to except that
She then looks at me and says "honey we will worry about that in the delivery room and if there's time..." her voice faded.
The curtains pulled back and like an angel from heaven with rays of light around her stood my doctor scrubbed and ready to go.
Doctor: "Nat what are you doing here, didn't I just see you?"
Me: "Yes. I know something is wrong. I need an epidural."
Doctor: chuckling at my statement "I just scrubbed up for a scheduled C-section and heard your name being mentioned in the hallway. Looks like I will page another doctor for the procedure so I can deliver Vernon. Since we're both ready to go, lets do this"
Me: "okay, let's get the epidural"
Doctor: "let's get to your room first"
now we have been here all of five minutes at this point. No exaggeration. They wheel me across the hall to my delivery room and start hooking up IVs, monitors and all that jazz.
Me: "I need to push"
doctor: "hold on let's check her"
looks down there and does her thing.
doctor: "Okay folks she is at a ten and vernon's head is here. Let's get this baby out."
Me:"what?, no, I need an epidural!!"
doctor: "Nat, he's here and I need you to push, take a deep breath"
Me: screaming and crying at once "no he's too early, I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I'm not ready"
Micah is squeezing my hand with tears in his eyes and speaks to me in a very sweet but very excited voice
Micah: "Babe, we did it, he's here, we didn't even labor, this is amazing."
Me: "I'm not ready, I'm not ready, I can't breath, I don't remember how to push"
and then the hyperventilation started. My doctor started rubbing my legs to calm me down and started to breath with me to get my breathing under control.
At this point they haven't even put my IV in because it is happening so fast. So I have Micah on one side, a nurse hooking me up on the other and my doctor below telling me to push.
With every breath I took I let that same breath out. I couldn't focus. I didn't remember I needed to hold that breath and use that energy to push. I did that three times until my doctor yelled my name and got my attention. Her eyes focused in on mine and she ordered me to push.
I did. Then I did it again one more time.
Then there it was. his cry. his perfect loud cry.
I was in shock. I didn't know what happened. There was applause. Nurses cheering. Micah crying. It was all surreal. I was in a fog. I couldn't hear anything clear except for Vernon's cry in the distance.
They laid him on my chest. He felt warm. My body still in a state of shock, felt numb. The nurse took my hand and laid it on Vernon's back. I looked down at him.
something was wrong.
They took him to do their measurements. He weighed 6 lbs 12 oz. Extremely healthy weight for a 36 week old baby. His APGAR was a 10. His coloring was perfect. Everything was perfect.
He was perfect.
still I couldn't feel a thing.
It all happened so fast.
I looked at Micah. He brushed the hair from my face. Looked at me and said.
Micah:"Nat, you did it. He is here. He is our little miracle boy"
Me: "I don't feel anything, something is wrong"
Micah: "Baby you're still in shock. Everything is good. This will be the best labor story of all time. I didn't even have to rub your back"
I watched as they took his footprints and cleaned him up. His cry was so loud that it helped me distinguish that this wasn't a dream but so very, very real.
Then they brought him back to me. Laid him on my chest and I held him. And I cried. And I couldn't believe that in one small moment my heart could love another someone so very much. That my love could go beyond it's limits.
I never wanted to let him go. To this day that feeling has not let up.
Vernon Ribble Ensor born February 22, 2011
You have changed my life forever little man
my love for you grows more with each day that passes
It is not only a blessing but an honor to be your mama
I pray that you will become the man that God has called you to be
the fact that I will be a part in God's plan for your life is an overwhelming thought
your character like your entrance into this world is exceptional
you never cease to brighten each of our days with that smile of yours
The joy you bring us all is beyond measure
Your cuddles and the warmth you give my heart are just as the day you were born
Your laugh is infectious
I can't imagine my life without you.
I love you.