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New Year. New Me.

While packing up Christmas on Sunday tears were shed. Tears of sadness for such a wonderful season coming to an end and then there were some of joy for a hard year finishing up as well. I will be one hundred percent honest when I say I was elated to ring in the New Year. To put 2011 behind me and to march forward in the New. Though 2011 brought us Vernon. The sweetest most precious baby boy.
It also brought heart ache, struggles and challenges beyond belief. Praise God for Micah and his tender heart towards me and his strength in leading this family whilst always seeking God's will for us first. He truly is such an amazing husband and am honored to be entering into a another year with him by my side.
All that being said I am ready for this year. I already have been able to see God working in me and transforming my heart for the better. He has softened my will so that HIS would be done. He has lifted the bricks that once laid across my chest which left me heavy laden for far too long. I thought by letting him lift those bricks from me I was abandoning all. My past. my failures. My insecurities. But realized I was so so wrong. Though I felt lighter from the load being lifted I held onto those bricks and one by one stacked them up to build a wall. 
I hid behind it, it was safe for me. I could be happy with just my babies and Micah. No need to let anyone in. No one would understand. No one felt how I felt. Or so I thought. Feeding myself these lies only left me feeling alone and helpless. Though I called on God daily and dove into his good word, I wasn't receiving all that I could because of this wall I built up.
There was a moment. Where I just wanted to pack up. Just our little family. Move away. Far away. To a small town. Just be. Away from everything. Away from the things that took hold of my thoughts and fed my fears.
It was then that I realized that my thought process needed to change. I think it was this day... remember. I needed God to help me take my thoughts captive. To surrender all. In doing this I realized I needed to let him take my wall down. My guard down. My comfort zone was shaken. My hiding place should be in him, not behind the lies I fed myself. As each brick was removed, a piece of me was exposed. People could see in. This terrified me but then realized how much love there was for me. How my friends and family love me for who I am not this image I tried to be. 
I have seen that the Truth will truly set you free. God's promises are real and that is enough for me.
There is already a glimpse of what God is working on for me this year and I'm excited to see where it will lead. New opportunities that have already been given. New friends. New adventures. And of course New Mercies everyday
As most of you, I too have made new goals. Resolutions for the New Year. Besides actually folding the laundry this year and striving for a bit more patience I am in the process of opening my online store of embroidered and other sewn goodies. But most importantly my main resolution is to be grounded in Truth. 
God's truth. 
To not let words tangled in lies steal my joy or get me down. 

This year I want to fill my heart. home. blog. with these truths. 

Here I am 2012. Bring it.

John 8:32 "Then you will know the truth and the Truth will set you FREE."

4 comments:

maddmatts said...

great photography and use of family photos!

ArtGirl said...

what a lovely, sincere and heartfelt prayer. thank you for your honesty and vulnerability and sharing. you are beautiful. happy new year! may you be blessed with many wonderful experiences and moments in 2012.

Mama D.'s Dozen said...

Hi.

I just popped over from Ashley's blog, and look forward to reading more.

Thanks for your transparency. I so appreciate blogs that share real life.

I, too, have been so very glad to put 2011 behind me. It was, seriously, the most difficult year of my life. I am praising God that I survived, and am most certainly ready for the next part of this journey called life.

Hoping your week is BLESSED!

Pop on over to my blog if you want to meet a Mama who has ... been.there.done.that. ... and has a passion for encouraging young mamas.


Laurel
mama of 12
(ages 10, 10, 11, 13, 15, 18, 21, 23, 23, 25, 26, 27)

TessBenson said...

I hope and pray 2012 has been what you aimed for. I dont know how i got to this post, one link lead to another, and here I am! Its something I needed and am struggling with now. The lies... the bricks, heart ache, thank you pretty lady!