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New Coat

I scored this amazing 1960's coat at a flea market whilst pregnant with Vernon last year.
It has since been hanging in the hall closet needing some major tailoring seeing it was about six sizes to big.
With my trip to New York approaching I knew it was time to buck up and pay the price to get it altered.
Yesterday I went to pick it up. I tried it on real quick, because with two littles ready for naps and a mind in a million other places at that moment of looking in the mirror it seemed to fit. I thanked the tailor and was on my way.
I took it home. Laid both babies down to rest. Tried the coat back on and then took a good long look in the mirror only to realize it was still about two sizes too big in the chest resulting a Frankenstein-esque figure.
I was frustrated. But knew it could be taken in.
(queue my anxiety starting to grow)
Knowing my trip is just days away and having a million other errands to run not only for my trip but for our upcoming St. Patty's party, Elsie's third birthday and the arrival of Micah's parents I began to lose my cool so to speak.
I rushed getting the littles fed once they woke and threw them in the car to go back to the tailor only to be leaving in tears. Tears that were remaining from the embarrassing meltdown I had in front of this sweet old tailor. He said it couldn't be done. He said I would need to bring in another coat to show him what I meant by "too bulky in the chest" because from a "tailors" point of view, it fit.

I won't bore you with the rest of my afternoon details but just know that after a long emotional day he was able to perfect it to my liking.
This really isn't the point of this post. The fact that I had a "breakdown" in front of someone I don't know and with the babies present is where I'm going with this.

This has never happened, in a public setting that is. While I felt the hot tears coming to the surface I remember thinking "stop crying" and "what is wrong with you"

I knew it wasn't a matter of an ill fitted coat. I knew it was about what God had been revealing to me these past few weeks.

Though my life is filled with exciting and fun things it is still filled. Lots of upcoming trips, events, parties, consistent flow of orders from my shop, bible study, physical therapy three times a week for a back problem I didn't know existed until a couple weeks ago, upcoming birthdays for loved ones and then add trying to maintain the house, be a good mama, wifey and friend. Again each thing is a good thing. None are stressful and are looked forward to, but can make my life very... busy.

It's like making a yummy stew and adding all the yummy ingredients into the pot. You realize that when it is time to add the water to boil those ingredients there isn't enough room. You add it anyway resulting in a huge mess from the water boiling over onto the stove. You knew you could've done with one less potato but you wanted to make sure there was enough of the stew to go around.
I feel like God is reminding me that I don't always need to say yes. I don't have to please everybody. I can say no to things. I don't have to agree to do another custom order. I don't have to offer to help out just because it is a church function. I don't always need to be involved. It doesn't mean I'm a bad friend, Christian or mama when I can't do everything that I want to.

As driving home from the tailor with the perfected coat thrown on the seat next to me I felt God reminding me of my past year. One of the roughest years of my life. I remembered that in the midst of all my struggles I had such peace. I had no choice but to remove myself from everything and let God do a much needed work on me and I found rest in Him. I learned to have a sense of calmness through the storm.

It's like everything I recently learned in my life was thrown out because new and exciting things presented itself to me this year and I didn't leave room for the water so to speak. The water in my life is quiet time with God. It is vital for me to have stillness. I realize that now.
I stayed home last night instead of meeting up with a friend and a much needed family time was the beautiful outcome. Though we are always together, we are all doing our own things. I always say family first but can see how easily you can be pulled in all sorts of directions and though you might be with family, are you really spending that time together? Being in the same room while the babies play but instead of playing I'm may be busy doing other things. Or being on my laptop while watching a movie with the hubs on the couch. I realize being in the same room doesn't make me present and I need to be more present. Present while I read my bible not just rush through and answer my study questions. Present with Micah while it is just our time. Present with the babies, because I know with one more blink of an eye they will be off to college.
I loved that in my devotion time this morning God gave me this verse. "For every house is built by someone, but God is the builder of everything" Heb 3:4

and the author of the devotion said this "God is arranging and re-arranging our lives in accordance with His will. Step-by-step, day-by-day, and with each circumstance we face. He is constructing a dwelling place for His Presence within us."

I love knowing that I am a constant work in progress. Knowing that I can always be a better me. That I can change. I can have blips in life and get distracted but because of God's Grace he gives me New mercies each day. I love the thought of being able to wear this coat and be reminded of God's love. The warmth it will bring is like the comfort of being wrapped up in his goodness.

May you all have a blessed weekend!

oh and btw I'm sharing some beauty tips over at Things today


Rock-A-Bow said...

This post is so perfect for the place I am in now. These past few weeks I have been stepping back and putting God first. What an amazing place to be. He is so good. Thanks for sharing your heart friend!

Alissa Circle said...

Aww friend. My heart breaks for you. It made me teary just thinking about your hard day yesterday. We all have days like those where even the littlest, most insignificant part of our day can make us bawl like a baby. I wish I was sitting with you b.c I give you a great big ol hug and pray for you. Love you friend!

Cassie @ Live.Laugh.L0ve. said...

So sorry you had a rough day yesterday but what a wonderful reminder from God he gave you. He is so good and he shows us what we need to see even when we want to do it all. As a matter of fact because of this post i'm shutting down the laptop and curling up with my little's. Hugs sweet friend.

Micah Ensor said...

At least you realize this stuff a lot sooner than your knuckleheaded husband!

mistergandme said...

I love this post! Sorry to hear you had a public meltdown-- but I'm so happy to learn from your new wisdom. I love how your beautiful coat reminds you of God's love. Beautiful!!! I'm definitely going to be aware of how present I am when I spend time with my loved ones! Hope you have a fantastic trip!!! xo, Ashley