Though somewhere along the line, I'd say around junior high 'til just recently, I dreaded rainy days. I never realized I became gloomy gal Nat when the weather turned. I mean grey skies meant Tori Amos or Mazzy Star playing throughout every speaker in the house.
Only since being married to Micah did he point out how blah I became. I didn't think anything of it, I am a melancholy girl at heart. Those of you that know me are thinking, what? you, miss happy go lucky, has a zest for life and is always up for anything girl. True that girl is me, that is because I am with you. When around people, or keeping busy out and about I don't leave room for idle time. Which meant no room to be left alone with my thoughts.
These past few months I have learned to sit. To think. To be with my thoughts. This past year has been a time of reflection and a time of getting to know me better. As a wife, mom, friend. I, for the first time in years can have nothing on the calendar and be ok with that. This coming from a gal who if not every day was filled out with plans or appt(s), would become anxious.
I realized that filling my days with things from work, gym, date nights with Micah, dates with friends, appts, traveling somewhere or another were all ways to me to fill the space. The empty space. I made it a pattern to keep myself preoccupied at all times so I didn't have to focus on past hurts, guilt, regrets, whatever the emotion was I didn't want to feel I filled it with something to do. Even after becoming a momma I made sure to keep a full schedule for myself and the babes.
See why I hated rainy days, having to be stuck inside, not able to get out and escape the world in my mind.
The Lord has worked on my heart and has made me aware of this. I can honestly say that he has healed my brokenness and helped me move forward. I can not only enjoy the rain as it comes but I can dance in it as well.
Listening to my babies giggle under the umbrella as we ran across the parking lot in attempt to stay dry reminded me of how far of a journey I have come. Though my past is still my past I am no longer broken. Now I thank God for the rain. For days like this to be able to slow down. To see the beauty in it. To cuddle up and reflect on all that he has blessed me with instead of things that I can't change.
Today I am thankful for the rain.