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It is 2:00 am and I am wide awake. My eyes and body feel tired but my mind is racing and won't let me rest. Considering I have been up every thirty minutes to use the restroom tonight it's really not worth going to bed anyway, agreed?
I'll let you in on a secret, I'm kind of a fanatic about lists. Making lists that is, about everything. I'm notorious for using anything to write my so called "lists" on as well. I use the back of envelopes from letters I received in the mail, bills, receipts (lots of receipts), but have tons of notebooks laying around and they are just filled with grocery lists, to do check lists, my daily plans, weekly plans, craft ideas, things I want to accomplish, cleaning lists, things to buy for Vernon, Elsie, Micah and so on. You get the point. The worst is when I know I've made a particular list and have misplaced it. I know it drives Micah bonkers when I'm like, "I remember writing it on a pink envelope" or another random piece of paper instead of writing it down in one of my notebooks because that translates to he threw it away because to any other normal person it was considered trash.
Well last night Micah and I sat down and made a few lists together. Hospital bag checklist, what our plan was for making sure Elsie was taken care of if I happened to go into labor, things we needed to buy this week in case of early arrival of Vernon and things that needed to be done such as clean bassinet linens, car seat, install infant car seat and things of this nature.
You see I had my 36 week check up yesterday and all is well except for the fact that Vernon is apparently in position, I'm 2 cm dilated and oh you know 80% effaced. I just laughed with my doctor upon receiving this news because I was just telling her how before coming in I wasn't sure if I was even getting checked for dilation thinking they did that at 37 weeks so apologized for having not been better "groomed" (I know TMI) This was obviously the least of my concern now seeing as how prior to the appointment I was in the mindset we had a little less than four weeks before Vernon's arrival and now it could be anytime!
She asked if my bags were packed and I just cracked up. I was like umm, no my whole house is packed and ready to move but I am not prepared for having this baby. Then she laughed when asked if making it to my due date was possible. That is when I got butterflies and was overwhelmed with excitement. I have been in moving mode. I have not been in having baby mode but that immediately shifted. I was almost skipping with Elsie out of there. That feeling lasted all of five minutes because when I called Micah there was nothing but shear panic on his end of the phone line. I tried reminding him that I was 4 cm dilated and 100% effaced with Elsie before even having contractions and that we still have time. I don't think he was comforted, I swear I could hear him quietly practicing lamaze breathing techniques as I continued to share everything the doctor said. I was in mid sentence when he started reading off a hospital bag check list he pulled up online and thats when I realized, we aren't ready.

So after hanging up with him I proceeded with my days agenda and met my dear friend Kate at the new house to tape off the rooms so they would be prepped for painting this weekend. I'm so glad we did this because she kept me preoccupied and calm all day.
I keep thinking just get through this move and setting up the house, get through next weekend so I can attend my own baby shower, but then also think. thank God it's a very small and low key shower this time around so in worse case scenario we are canceling on a handful of people vs. like fifty. I keep thinking of all the meals and sauces I wanted to prep and freeze so I could have healthy meals ready for us after he arrived, and how I wanted to sew a few things and how I haven't purchased his "coming home" outfit yet, taking Elsie to Disneyland one last time, finishing my "how to raise chickens" book, cleaning and organizing what clothes I've received for Vernon... Oh this list is forever growing in my head of things I wanted to do but not sure if I will get around to before he comes. I didn't even take maternity photos. Oy Vey!
Now you see why I'm awake at this ungodly hour. You would be too!
...but then I also can't help think that I'll be doing this again very, VERY soon.
and that Micah will have this proud father moment again...
and that our little family will be that much more complete.


Claudia Lamonica said...

Love this Nat! Good luck and God bless. Everything will be great! Just enjoy the precious, simple moments as you know time flies by so fast with your children. I pray for a smooth transition into this new chapter of your life! :)

DawnaHartman said...

I love making lists!!!!!
And after reading this post... I feel quite behind, and am freaking out a bit. There is still so much I want to do before little Miss arrives. aaaaah!

Jammie said...

What a great post. I loved you sharing this we me. I am excited too. I can't wait to hold that sweet little boy.

Anonymous said...

Hey girly, I am laughing because I know exactly how you feel. The last couple of weeks before Jeremiah came I was running around like a chicken without a head preparing for his arrival. It comes fast and having a toddler around makes things that much more crazy, but hang in there and know God timing is everything! I will praying for you guys!
P.s I know exactly wha you mean about making lists lol I think I have a habit of buying notepads just for fun haha.