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sweet, sweet sound.

I sit here in Elsie's room as she reads her books aloud and I am flushed with emotion. This past week has had to be the hardest week as a mother for me. Micah had left for a weeks long business trip last Monday. Subsequent to his departure Elsie came down with a cold or something, I still haven't figured it out. Not only was she not eating or sleeping well but her attitude all together was horrible. I have never felt so helpless and frustrated at the same time as I did all of last week. My patience was tested beyond measure and my body was weighed down by fatigue and exhaustion. By weeks end I felt I was such an inadequate mother that my holiday spirit was depleted...almost completely. Hours after Micah's arrival we rushed to his company Christmas party and into a whirlwind of Christmas festivities this weekend without a moment for my body to relax from what it had just endured during the week. I will say, surrounding myself with loved ones this weekend in celebration of the upcoming holiday was exactly what I needed. Even though Elsie still had meltdowns during the midst of these events I was reminded that I have such great people in my life for support and well, a break.
Now since daddy is home and she seems to be recovering (finally) from whatever it was she came down with, all almost seems right in my world.
I'm hearing her sweet voice right now and it touches my heart. I'm filled with guilt thinking I lost my patience so many times last week with this little angel. Her precious little voice is such a sweet, sweet sound and it makes me wonder if that is the sweet sound of our voices God loves so much. When our attitudes are ugly and we are disobedient to His word because of circumstances in our lives we definitely aren't blessing Him, but he loves us still the same. He also doesn't freak out like I did so many times last week, but I know by his loving grace I am forgiven and he is there to help guide me through struggles and help me grow from my mistakes. My goal as a mother and wife is to strive for love and peace in our home, no matter the circumstance. It is definitely a learning process as I encounter new seasons of motherhood, but by the grace of God I know I can succeed.
It is almost nap time and we have not had one meltdown all morning, whoo. I think I might just have a nap when she goes down as well. Or sip hot chocolate and listen to Christmas music while browsing blogs...
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4 comments:

shannon said...

You are the most patient, calm mother I know. I WISH I had you as an example when B was smaller. You're also human, and pregnant, and the mother of an almost-2-year old. Give yourself a break and take a nap. Or stare at your Christmas tree. That's what I like to do.

jennifer said...

hang in there! You are a fantastic mom!

DawnaHartman said...

Just knowing I have you and Shan for support, when my freak out moments come, is such a calming notion to me. Regardless of the fact I live so far right now, it is no doubt you are an amzing mother...and a patient one.
Love you Nat so much!

jennifer said...

Your blog looks AMAZING! See you tomorrow...