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keepin' it real yo'

So here are some things I thought I'd share just to keep it real. Not that I don't keep it real on this space of mine, but this is stuff I normally wouldn't just think to post about, but when you're sitting in a fast food restaurant to feed your kids dinner because you haven't bought groceries and you realize you hadn't put deodorant on all day until that moment you sit back to relax in the booth and lift your arm to lean back and think "man I hope that musky guy sitting behind me leaves soon" only to realize not only is there no guy sitting behind you but that there isn't even a booth behind your own, you can't help but laugh at yourself and think, "well it is what it is people"
So here we go.
- Today I put on bikini bottoms as underwear because apparently I haven't done my laundry in weeks
- I didn't put on deodorant but the sad part of that is I never even remembered until I got a wif of my stinky self at 6:00 pm that evening
- I let Elsie rock an old dress she pulled out of the garage sale pile from 6 months ago out in public
(it's royal blue and sparkly and is bad enough on it's own without being old and ill fitting)
- I fed my kids left over cupcakes for breakfast yesterday
- I fed them chic-fil-A for dinner because I still forgot to go grocery shopping
- I ate a whole mini cake that Micah brought home for me in lieu of dinner tonight #payingforit
- I cried in the shower yesterday for no other reason than I was feeling overwhelmed
- I skipped and did a happy dance thinking I received happy mail for my birthday only to open it to see it was the hoops I needed for orders that were on backorder for weeks. #selfishmuch
- I may have left the hoops package outside because I was so disappointed
- I let Elsie take a very long nap yesterday because I had things I needed to catch up on
- I crawled into bed with her and fell asleep for almost an hour and now I still have lots I need to catch up on
- I'm starting to stress about getting curriculum and pre-school activities because everyone else is
- I feel like a really irresponsible mom and have been feeling less than adequate lately
- Elsie "graduated" into a new class at church and it did not go well on Sunday
- After church I sat in the car and sobbed and then called Shan to vent at her
-Vernon is crazy cranky lately because of new molars coming in and only eats soft sweet things because of his teeth, debating on making him a molar celebrating smash-cake.
- I used a fork to roast a marshmallow over the stove to make myself a s'more at 10:00 pm last night
- I have lately been thinking about downsizing and moving to another state or into a one bedroom on the beach (I think I almost had Micah onboard one day)
- I'm just now starting to freak about my new age that is quickly approaching
- I get sweaty and feel like I may vomit every time I think about the conference I'm speaking at
- I am missing my sister (in-law) like crazy lately but never even pick up the phone to call her
- I didn't do my devotions two days in a row so I tried spending extra time in prayer only to fall asleep
- I know I need to be in the word now more than ever with all these "I'm not good enough" thoughts
- I still haven't read today

I realized that I had a whole list going and that it is only making me feel like a loser the deeper I get into it. I wasn't writing to show that I'm lazy and that I don't have it all together. I was writing because I don't have it all together some days but I know it's okay. Some weeks call for cupcakes for breakfast or a run to the nearest  Chic-Fil-A for din. I know that the house can't be spotless everyday with two littles and a dog running around. I know that I can't get caught up with wanting to handle and do it all beautifully because if I set unattainable goals I will feel "less than"
I love that Micah loves me stinky and all, without a home cooked meal and still goes out of his way to do things like buy me a mini birthday cake to kick off my birthday month. (He was so sweet to buy me a mini cake and when he was driving home it toppled over, it still tasted great though, I mean it had to be for me to kill off the entire box in one sitting...right?) You know what I love even more than Micah's love for me? God's mercy for me and how HIS mercies are new every morning. Though some days are messy others will be squeaky clean and if they're not, it's is still okay.
I'm off to get into the word, which wasn't what I was planning on doing tonight but after typing out what I was feeling I see it's beyond necessary. Are you following along in Proverbs with the She Reads Truth community? You really need to, it's good for the soul.

Sorry for this crazy random post, this got a lot more real than I had intended.

Oh and while we're on the topic of me being lame, I totally forgot to mention that my friend Tiffany from Mrs.Pates Writes has started a beautiful new portion to her blog titled "Just Cause" where she will be highlighting one charitable cause or organization each month and starting it off this September she is highlighting Sole Hope! You know how near and dear Sole Hope is to me and so if you've posted about a shoe cutting party you've hosted you can link up there on her site OR if you've been wanting to host your own party now is the time because Sole Hope is offering a 15% discount on all shoe cutting party kits for the whole month of September. Head on over to Just Cause now to link up or to grab your discount code.


Heather Myers said...

Thanks for your honesty! I have 2 little ones as well and work full-time, and I feel like I can never catch up! Some days I just feel completely overwhelmed. It's always helpful to know there are many, many other moms in my situation and I don't have to "do it all". Thanks for keepin' it real. :)

P.S. I had a similar deodorant situation a few weeks ago.

Ashley@The Vanilla Tulip said...

OH my word. Are we the same person?!?? We have eaten WAY to much fast food lately. Not because of the grocery problem. But because of me being lazy and not wanting to cook or do dishes problem.
And the "i'm not good enough" thing. Yeah. totally dealing with that. Boo-hoo'd to travis when he got home last night about how I feel so inadequate in everything I'm doing right now.
And don't get me started on the deoderant. Three days last week I forgot it. Disgusting. And like you i wondered who smelled horrible around me ;)
And last but not least. YES to the downsizing and moving into a tiny place!!!!! And Travis is almost on board too haha!!! doesn't it sound glorious!? Sell it ALL. Start fresh with the bare minimums. Something in me is craving it.
Okay that's it. Guess I should go make lunch for my kids. ;)
Love you and am so thankful for you :)

Shannon Quiggle said...

Oh, is E taking ice skating lessons now? That would be the only reason for that blue sequin dress, right?

Srsly though, with all this biz going on, thank you so much for coming to celebrate my birthday yesterday. It was such a special surprise to open the door and find you there, even if you never did finish the singing telegram. :)

Bernadette Veenstra said...

I have an Elsie too. And she has a horrid tutu thing with sequins and a red tulle skirt, and black and white check bodice. Her panties hang out the bottom, and I have drawn the line at her wearing it out in public. At home, it is regrettable, but okay.=)
Are you planning to home school? If so, take it from a veteran home schooler (I was home schooled 4th grade through high school, and am now on my 6th year of schooling my own kids)-don't sweat too much over preschool. Kids learn at their own pace. They are happy with doing cutting and pasting and coloring, and maybe a little bit of numbers and letters. But you do not have to have a curriculum, if you don't want to. Don't start comparing yourself to others. It downward spirals way too fast. And, most preschools don't start the first week that the grade schools do anyway. You have plenty of time.
Pep talk ended.=)
And, btw, you HAD to eat the whole cake. Especially if it got dumped in the car.=)

AbsoluteMommy said...

Great post. Sometimes just writing it out take a trememdous weight off. I hope it's made you feel better, and has helped you refocus.
PS: That picture of you last week on IG, with last nights makeup made my day. Because we all have days like that.

Morgan said...

I love this post because of your honesty. Everyone needs to read this and see that they aren't alone, because we all have our times like this! Just remember when you are feeling inadequate as a mother, that you are the best mother for your children and that is why you were chosen for them. So even in your non-laundry, non-grocery shopping, chik-fil-a dinner nights you are still perfect to them and they need to be shown that life isn't perfect and sometimes you just gotta roll with the punches! *hugs* and happy birthday month! Mine is right around the corner too!

Hannah Hurley said...

I love that dress on your daughter! I love how sincere and genuine you are! This post reflects just how much love you have for your children! Thank you for sharing your heart

Joanna said...

So... I totally roast marshmallows on forks over the stove, too! AND... when my husband is gone at work (4 days a week for 26 hour shifts) a lot of times I eat cake for lunch and dinner instead of cooking! :) Maybe it is a girl thing? Sounds like you are super busy and need to just give yourself some GRACE to step back from all that you have committed to and just BE. Hang in there! You are NOT less than! You are a daughter of the King and don't ever forget it!!!! :)

katie_shannon said...

Ummm I flippin love this!!! You are just awesome! :) I just started reading your blog recently and just love it!

Lauren @ Pink on the Cheek said...

mucho smooches girly! You are beyond real. Some of us have those kinds of days, some of us have those kinds of weeks or months. I am also sitting on a pile of laundry that isn't getting cleaned anytime soon, my house is filled with dog hair because Mochi keeps shedding faster that I can keep up with and basically the fiance and I are living on cereal for dinner since grocery shopping is too expensive!
Glad we can tell it like it is:)

Courtney @ Beach Momma said...

I love this! I laughed out loud at some of those! My hubby decided to go back to school so we downsized and moved to a shack on the beach and have never been happier! Just throwing it out there :-)

Jenny Holiday said...

I LOVE this post so much Nat!!! You RULE for a bunch of reasons!!! :)

Love ya!!