Today. The weather was beautiful. So while Elsie and I were playing in the backyard I let my eyes travel to the forbidden area I have kind of avoided.
A place that brought comfort when I felt so lost.
A place created as something for myself, even though I had no idea who I was at the time.
So many changes happened last year near the time we decided to plant our first vegetable garden that it quickly became a place that helped me escape. To have my quiet time. Even though Elsie would come out there with her shovels and Vernon would chill in his baby swing, I kind of would get lost in the garden with my thoughts.
That is until my world was uprooted once again by something out of my control. Voles. Voles are small varmints. Part of the mole family. I won't even waste time talking about those despicable pests only to say that they destroyed my garden. They came through and literally killed 80% of it.
I was devastated to say the least.
I never even blogged about this tragic event.
I refused to go out to water what was left for weeks after the attack.
I know it is just a garden, but it was so much more to me during that time last year. The vole incident only fueled my depression and anxiety.
This was just one more thing I felt like I failed at. I felt defeated and it made me feel less than. After I let some time pass, I continued to harvest the remainder of the veggies and herbs but with no zeal. My heart was just never the same towards it.
Needless to say, time passed, weeds grew and the garden became overrun.
Fast forward to today when I decided it was time to put on the gloves and wage war on the weeds. After about five minutes into the process I realized I needed heavy machinery to get most of them up but I pressed on with blood, sweat and tears. yes there were tears. Not tears from the pain of the hot sun beating down on me while my back and leg muscles were screaming for a break but tears from an overwhelming sense of peace.
"Lucy, let me "splain"
After pulling back dead limbs and removing intruding shrubs from the vegetable beds I discovered something.
I couldn't understand it, and yet here they were. As I started to pick the tomatoes, something happened. I started to cry. Like hard. Like I couldn't catch my breath. This garden was a portrayal of my relationship with God.
The garden came under attack by forces of evils, damage was done and I gave up, walked away.
Much like this garden my relationship with God came under attack and I felt suffocated by words tangled in lies, and neglected the Truths from His word. I gave up. I was overwhelmed with my life's struggles that I couldn't keep up with maintaining my relationship with Him. I felt so unworthy and hopeless.
He came and took hold of my life. He came and cleaned up my heart and renewed my spirit. He removed those lies and replaced them with truths, he guided me back into his word where a stronger foundation of faith was built, one that no weed (trials) could insnare. And after restoring me, like restoring the garden for new crops, he revealed to me hidden treasures. Things I didn't know I was capable of. A person I didn't know I could be. Still able. After all that I went through, I am still able. Only by the Grace of God.
So am I.