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weeds

I'm ashamed to admit I kind of let my garden go. As in forgot about it and stopped caring for it. The season for most of my plants to produce had passed so I slowly stopped maintaining it. During the holidays I frequented it even less and told myself that we would probably be moving come February when our lease is up so why bother with it. There was never really talk of moving, quite the opposite really. Micah has talked about buying this house more times than I can count and we love it here. We have made it our own and forget that it is not really ours, but for some reason I used that as an excuse not to maintain my garden. I figured whats the point of going through all that work if we are moving in two months, which turned into one month which led to today.
Today. The weather was beautiful. So while Elsie and I were playing in the backyard I let my eyes travel to the forbidden area I have kind of avoided.
My Garden.
This once magical place.
A place that brought comfort when I felt so lost.
A place created as something for myself, even though I had no idea who I was at the time.
So many changes happened last year near the time we decided to plant our first vegetable garden that it quickly became a place that helped me escape. To have my quiet time. Even though Elsie would come out there with her shovels and Vernon would chill in his baby swing, I kind of would get lost in the garden with my thoughts.
That is until my world was uprooted once again by something out of my control. Voles. Voles are small varmints. Part of the mole family. I won't even waste time talking about those despicable pests only to say that they destroyed my garden. They came through and literally killed 80% of it.
I was devastated to say the least.
I never even blogged about this tragic event.
I refused to go out to water what was left for weeks after the attack.
I know it is just a garden, but it was so much more to me during that time last year. The vole incident only fueled my depression and anxiety.
This was just one more thing I felt like I failed at. I felt defeated and it made me feel less than. After I let some time pass, I continued to harvest the remainder of the veggies and herbs but with no zeal. My heart was just never the same towards it.
Needless to say, time passed, weeds grew and the garden became overrun.
Fast forward to today when I decided it was time to put on the gloves and wage war on the weeds. After about five minutes into the process I realized I needed heavy machinery to get most of them up but I pressed on with blood, sweat and tears. yes there were tears. Not tears from the pain of the hot sun beating down on me while my back and leg muscles were screaming for a break but tears from an overwhelming sense of peace.
?????
"Lucy, let me "splain"
After pulling back dead limbs and removing intruding shrubs from the vegetable beds I discovered something.
Hidden treasures.
Thirteen red ripened tomatoes, some onions and herbs a plenty. I was shocked. Dumbfounded. How were these plants able to produce with such neglect while being suffocated by weeds no less?
I couldn't understand it, and yet here they were. As I started to pick the tomatoes, something happened. I started to cry. Like hard. Like I couldn't catch my breath. This garden was a portrayal of my relationship with God.
The garden came under attack by forces of evils, damage was done and I gave up, walked away.
Much like this garden my relationship with God came under attack and I felt suffocated by words tangled in lies, and neglected the Truths from His word. I gave up. I was overwhelmed with my life's struggles that I couldn't keep up with maintaining my relationship with Him. I felt so unworthy and hopeless.
But God.
He came and took hold of my life. He came and cleaned up my heart and renewed my spirit. He removed those lies and replaced them with truths, he guided me back into his word where a stronger foundation of faith was built, one that no weed (trials) could insnare. And after restoring me, like restoring the garden for new crops, he revealed to me hidden treasures. Things I didn't know I was capable of. A person I didn't know I could be. Still able. After all that I went through, I am still able. Only by the Grace of God.
After the sobfest had come and gone, I stood back and examined the progress. A seemingly impossible burden was possible. Although moments of weakness struck and the pain seemed too much too handle, I pressed on. Granted there are still imperfections and work to be done, it is ready for new growth.
So am I.







7 comments:

kassandra said...

i'm glad you're not giving up on the garden. vegetable gardening is my favorite summer activity but i understand your loss. this past two years we were overwhelmingly infested with locust wasps and i had to physically rip out my entire garden for the exterminator. it's not crazy to feel sad. i know i was heart broken. hopefully i'll be able to transition to flowers and like you i'll keep looking Up.

Sugar Mama Bakeshop said...

Because you & your blog are wonderful :)
http://www.sugarmamabakeshop.com/2012/01/im-blushing.html

Laura@Splendor said...

that is so awesome. got my all teary. I love, love, love how God works. How he loves us and knows how to speak to us individually. such a beautiful post.

molly june. said...

SOOOOO GOOOOOOOOOD!!!!!! i'm gonna cry with you. AHHHHHHHMAZZZZZZING!!!!!!!!!

Kristi and Ken said...

wow Nat! what an awesome experience! Before reading all the way through, I saw the pics of the tomatoes, onions, and herbs and figured they were pictures from before the weeds. As I read through, I was so excited! It is pretty amazing how God speaks to us when we listen. Thank you for your honest story and beautiful reminder!

Flowerchic said...

Gurl! You whooped that thang into shape! Love your treasures!

christine said...

thank you for this post. how wonderful that you discovered more than vegetables that day..that you were reminded of God's mysterious and loving ways.
I LOVE YOUR BLOG. My first thought when I saw it just now was..."i want to be this girls best friend!" you are just so cool.
thanks again.