bittersweet

in less than two weeks Vernon will be 9 months old. In nine short months I learned my heart could love so much more than I ever thought it could. I found out that time really does slip through the grips of my hands, no matter how tightly I hold on. I also realized I haven't had a day with Elsie in that same amount of time.

I mean of course I see her everyday, interact with her, love on her. It is just all in between her baby brother's feedings and naps. There has been an occasional girls night to run and get a tasty treat together but no more than an hour or so.

I will be 100% honest. I miss it. You know, the me and her days. alot. You all know how obsessed I am about my lil' man and he will forever hold my heart, and though I love him more than words I still can't help but think of days past. It feels like just yesterday we were in Dana Point walking to my local coffee shop every morning, having our lunch at the baby beach or just lounging in the patio swing reading books. uninterrupted. 

I somedays feel guilty for longing for quality time for just the two of us. As if my love for Vernon doesn't run as deep. But it does. He comes first. everyday. He is my baby. He still needs me so much. But Elsie doesn't understand that. And her cries to be held while I'm holding him breaks my heart. Her wanting me to sit and read while I feed him makes me sad. Not all days, but most.

I know she needs me too. Somedays more than he does. I mean she is a girl, MY GIRL after all so she of course will have days when she just wants to be held and sung to. I get her.

So that is why we did it. We had our cake and ate it too. Our special day. The one I have been wanting to do for months.

After a fabulous family breakfast we were Disneyland bound with no time restraints before us. Not only did we ride her fave rides multiple times, but we hugged Minnie, devoured churros, danced alongside the parade and casually coasted past her normal nap schedule. Not only was our day incredibly memorable but we topped it off by getting a hotel and snuggled together all night. Just her and I. 

After check out and before heading home we shopped at Downtown Disney to find her a special souvenir to remember our special outing by. I knew it would be a Minnie Mouse of some sort. She picked out a ballerina Minnie Mouse and has held onto her since. 

It's funny to me that even though I longed for this day and enjoyed every single second with her, I couldn't help but miss Vernon. So, so much. Does this momma thing every get easier with finding balance? I have no idea, but I do know that this is my calling. This is my life and I love these two precious beings more than anything and can't wait to create long lasting memories with each of them.

Psalm 127:3 "Behold, children are a heritage of the Lord, the fruit of the womb is a reward."